August 2006 has been one of the most awful/wonderful months of my entire life.
There’s so much you never get to say or you say it wrong. Regret is such an awful emotion. I’ve spent most of life living with regret or causing it in others. I suppose it doesn’t matter if it’s too late or not anymore. Life, it seems, is what happens when you are busy making other plans.
I thought I knew things and then as usual I’m faced with the fact that nothing is what it seems and the facts are gone. Or rather I’ve chosen to ignore certain facts over the years. ‘Can’t do that anymore. The reality is pretty much all up on me now.
Someday I’ll find out what it is and how it’s really supposed to be. I know that.
In the meantime I have realized several things about myself in the last few weeks. I’ve learned some of the big picture stuff that was missing. I’ve learned I’m capable of taking care of myself and staying true to my beliefs despite what’s being thrown at me and what I’m being accused of.
I’ve learned a lot about my concept of reality. That’s always a pain in the ass now isn’t it?
My perception always been a bit flawed. But I’m learning. I’m changing. I’m transforming.
I’m okay alone. I always have been. I suppose in the end you are always alone.
Posted by Shawn (Pants) at August 31, 2006 12:28 PM