I have been internalized lately, so I haven’t written in a while. I still don’t have much in the way of any newfound wisdom since my last posting, except to say that a 5-minute conversation can have a profound effect on a person. After five minutes on the phone with a ghost from the past, I realized that I have a difficult time discerning between creativity and cruelty. I go through life with blinders on, seeing those around me as the people I would hope them to be. Sort of like a dog. Have you ever seen those bumper stickers? “I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am”. Well I’m the dog. I can’t admit to myself that the depth of ugliness I have seen really exists. Somehow admitting to the fact that the world is full of malevolent people feels like giving up to me. I’m not sure how it’s related, but it feels like failure. They say we hate in others what we hate about ourselves. Perhaps I too am an ugly, hateful person. (I mean come on, I laugh about a landslide)
But I don’t think I'm evil. I probably just bought into the whole “I’d like to buy the world a coke” mentality of my youth, and am just now waking up to reality.